Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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