I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
