Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Even my vagina gasped.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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