About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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