Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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