Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We got so high we made milksteak
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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