I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
