even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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