insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
