I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
