why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
