What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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