you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
