I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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