are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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