Screwed.edu
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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