Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
