i need an iv and a liver transplant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
