His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
