My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
