I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
