Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
