Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
