I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
