you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
