before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
