home. puking in laundry basket.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
