Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
