I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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