you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
