every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
