Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
