I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
