I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
