Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
