I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
