need another drink. this is the easiest way
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The best revenge is premature balding
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
