my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
