I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
