You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
