Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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