fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i out mim tonsoeep
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