im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
