Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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