im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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