I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
