My brain says no but my pants say off.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I could fuck to npr.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
