i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
