Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
