Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
