So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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