there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
