I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
