You're my little dorito
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
