i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize