??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
