Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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