me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
