This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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