Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
