I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
