phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
