a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
