you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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