Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
