you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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