do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
