It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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